Four Agreements - Don't Make Assumptions

Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best


(Remember....to catch any of this series that you might have missed, just click the "labels" icon below on the website where it says "Four Agreements" )

Directly from the author - "With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life"

Whoa! That's a pretty heavy statement - and the first thing to understand is that you make assumptions about everything...and BELIEVE they are the truth.

Let's go to an extremely literal thing you do everyday - you come up to a red light but you are moving. It changes to green just as you are coming upon it. You make an assumption that all of the cross traffic clearly saw that they had a red light. You make an assumption that they will abide by the law. You happily speed through...

...but, what if your assumption is wrong - your life will change dramatically for the worse in an instant. When I hit that "just changed green light" situation, my head is on a swivel. I may or may not avoid someone that ran that red but I am ready to take an action that may save a life...mine or the other driver.

OK....a very literal example - let's build from there. Let's say you are in a relationship. The other person knows you well. You assume that your partner knows what you think and want and that you don't have to say it. They know you that well is what you assume. If they don't do what they should, you feel violated or hurt and either think or say, "they should have known."

The result - sadness and drama.

These assumptions go on all day long - with children, co-workers, bosses, etc.

I challenge you - write down "assumptions" somewhere where you will see it all day. Count or make a quick note of all the assumptions you make. Question your assumptions.

Yes, doing this exercise will take some effort - but you need to understand one other very important concept and one that this blog is based on....

Happiness and increasing it's level - is HARD WORK. It is why our constitution says, "....the PURSUIT of happiness." While the pursuit can and should be fun and meaningful, the word "pursuit" should connotate that effort is required.

How do you stop making assumptions? - you ask questions. If you don't understand why something happened, ask the courageous question to find out. When you fail to do this step, you get mad, mope, and behave poorly. You become a victim.

Find your voice - to ask for what you want. Everyone has the right to say "yes" or say "no" and all have the right to ask.

When communication is clear - all relationships change. This is what I want...this is what you want.

Here is a real insane kicker - you may not know what you want. "I don't know what I want but it sure isn't this," may even go through your mind. Yet, you assume someone else will figure out what you want. This is called a recipe for disaster.

Saying you will make no assumptions - sounds easy but we do the opposite based on habits and routines. Awareness and understanding is great but ACTION is what is required.

Action is asking questions - make it a goal to ask some questions today of people around you that you wouldn't have asked before. If you are at work as you read this, try it out and think of an assumption about a co-worker that you know and ask a question. Do the same when you get home.

Do It Now! - Make note of what you find out in your journal. You should walk away anywhere from amazed to enlightened with your findings.

Make this one change - and as Don Miguel Ruiz says, "you will completely transform your life."