How to Make NUT-loaf

For Christmas - I give my niece and nephews cash. They seem to love it when I do my Xmas shopping at Wells Fargo

But my late mom - always said, "money is such a cold gift." Well, here is how you warm it up

Step ONE - go to bakery and ask baker for fresh dough. Don't buy the frozen crap at the store. DO NOT make your own dough for this project...I'm too lazy to do it and, if you do, you make me look bad. I don't need your help in that department

Step TWO - take the money denomination of your choice and roll it into tin foil. Don't tell me you don't know how to do this. Think back to when you used to roll another substance in long thin cylinders (Yeah...I know....you never enhaled)

Step THREE - wrap the dough over the tin foil cylinders and WORK the dough (talking about the bread dough...not money dough..even though the money dough is now in the bread dough)

Step FOUR - put your dough into little bread pans and put them in the microwave with steaming hot water

NOTE: Do I have to insert a warning here...DO NOT TURN MICROWAVE ON....well...do I? I really hope not because, if you haven't figured out that foil and a lit microwave don't mix, you probably didn't have the skill to roll and work the dough in the first place.

Step FIVE - shut the microwave door and leave the dough in their to rise. How long does it take the yeast and dough to rise?.....I asked the baker that. He said, "...until it does." Hey, just passing on the info from a professional.

Step SIX - (and step five was probably an hour) put your bread the
in the oven at 320 for about 20-25 minutes

Step SEVEN - pour yourself a glass of wine. That was hard work plus you need to entertain yourself while lovely bakery smells take over your kitchen

Step EIGHT - remove bread from pans and say, "damn....I am one fine piece of a baking machine. Rainbow and Wonder got nothin on me!

Step NINE - wrap and label your loaves with appropriate (or, in my case, very inappropriate) labels that you made on your computer

Step TEN - make up some cards that
talk about all the love that you put into this project....and how symbolic bread is with basic sustenance as well as being very important from a religious perspective. Have the card say they can now open the wrapping paper to reveal your gift to them....

<-----AND THIS IS WHAT THEY GET

"Savor my succulent loaf" - NUT-loaf