The Home Despot - someone wonders why church attendance is down in America. What are the people doing on Sunday mornings anyway?
Well, besides going to umpteen youth activities - like soccer, football, baseball, cheer, etc that would never have been scheduled on a Sunday when I grew up. Hey, it wasn't that long ago (.....wait....I guess my parents would have the said the same thing at my age....I guess it was that long ago).
Anyway - they are all worshipping the ruler of the universe...Home Depot.
Home Depot takes away any excuse - a man has for not being a man. They make it appear that any project could be done....even by a woman. Now, ladies, don't get your corsets all in a bunch (yeah, right, like anyone would wear a corset today). The point is that the marketing behind the marketing is that, "if a woman could do it, any REAL MAN can and should do it."
It's subtle - but it's there. My personal opinion? Hey, Helen Reddy, if you want to tile that bathroom, go for it! If you need any help, give me a call but, if I am not here, it is because I am down getting my pedicure. Welcome to the joy of being a man.
Do you see this truck? - it's a small personalized dump truck. Wow, I bet you could really do some manly things with that. You could get a load of stuff, dump it all out, go to the rental yard (another manly place), rent a tractor, spread and dig to your heart's delight, and, at the end of the day, tug on your belt buckle with one hand (because you have a Budweiser in the other), and say, "hey, look at what I did today"
Not me - I have a different goal. Goals are good, right? One of my primary goals in life is to NEVER be involved with something that requires me to rent this truck. There was a time in my life where I did stuff involving trucks like these. There is a reason that time is not now. I changed my reality with no desire to go back.
It is infinitely better - to allow people that enjoy renting these types of trucks do that type of work. Therefore, it is my utmost responsibility to go out and earn enough money so that I can hire those guys to do that. Yes, I am helping them attain their happiness. No, I don't get to rack up those valuable man points but it is just the giver in me to allow another male to accumulate my guy chips. I am a giver.
I must confess, though, that there is one thing - that I can't get out of. It's in the Manbook. This is where all the rules about what it takes to be a man are found. Caution: a lot of the rules of being a man are not created by the official keepers of the book. It's kind of like Websters. There are the official new words and then there are the new words that someone that pronounces things poorly comes up with.
Anyway, the Manbook clearly states - you must fell a tree WITH a hatchet once in awhile...annually if possible.
Ah....- it's only March and I have already got my continuing education done.
OK, I confess - I snuck the hatchet part in. My chainsaw was broken!
Plus, guys - the Manbook doesn't say it has to be a mighty oak. Pick a scrawny, volunteer, poisonous bean tree if you can. You can knock it down with about 10 to 14 whacks! Shhhhh....don't tell the man police or they will try to officially amend that darn book.
2 comments:
I think this should be required reading for every manly man! You are hilarious and let's face it, brave and clever. I especially like the fact that you want to make enough money so that somebody else can drive that truck and perform those "manly" activities! What a guy! xo
Ah, Home Depot. A place for manly men to buy tools to do manly things. Lowes, on the other hand, is marketed to attract the "genlter sex". Their stores are set up to visually appeal to women via POP (Point of Purchase) merchandising, interior design elements such as curtains and other decor furnishings, and an ample dose of lower shelving for easy access to products by those of a more delicate frame.
I hate Lowes. My eyes would rather feast on HD Orange anyday.
Post a Comment