Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best
Today, we tackle the second agreement - which is tied in very closely to the first. Remember, your words effect your beliefs. You believe in words.
This one is going to take a few posts to get through- because I received so many e-mails saying, "I can't wait to hear 'taking things personally'." Once again, I will be tossing some of my thoughts on top of Don Miguel Ruiz' writings.
When we don't take anything personally - we are looking at how we process others words or their actions which we translate into words.
Right upfront - I am going to repeat something you heard when you were a kid. This didn't come out of the book but it could have
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" - some of you are believers in affirmations. You may be hesitant to use this old one.....but why? It may be easier when you realize WHY you shouldn't take anything personally.
If I call you "stupid" or "lazy" - it's not about you....it's about me. If you take my "stuff", it is going to be problematic.
I was in a car on a trip with three other guys - not long ago. I'm retired but I had my laptop up and plugged into the internet doing some stock trading. One of the guys is a person that I have known since high school but don't see that often. I like the guy but he always seemed to think that he was "cool" and better than others.
He called me a "nerd" - for being on my laptop. Now, keep in mind, I was also getting weather reports and discovering other information that we were talking about during this trip. He was actually trying to fill his need to be superior to other people. This was his "stuff." When I heard it, I immediately went to myself, "wow....he just tried to hurt me....but I know this guy and it is something that he suffers with."
You tell me - was I a nerd? Actually, I really don't care what you tell me....it doesn't matter. Do you get what I am saying here? Do you "get it"?
Yes....the "cool" people - they are one of the easiest sufferers to spot....and it gives me great joy when I ferret this type of thing out. I do not get joy from their suffering....I just need to take care of myself.
"Nutster, you are the best"...."Nutster, you are the worst" - you could tell me these same two things....you could even do it in the same day. How schizophrenic would it be for me to give either of these any type of regard?
Why do you take these things personally? - are you a victim looking for acceptance in the world? Accept yourself...it is all that you need.
Whatever you think...whatever you feel - I KNOW is your problem and not my problem.
Others have opinions based on their belief system - (and beliefs are formed in words...and we already know that people are NOT impeccable with their word) so nothing they think is really about me.
"Your words are hurting me" - is something you could hear. Well, you probably won't if you become Impeccable With Your Word. Until then, know it is not what you are saying that is hurting them. It is that they have wounds that are touched by what you say.
You see the world as a movie - you are director, producer, and main actor/actress. Everyone else is a secondary bit player in the movie....and YOU hired them. It is your movie. The way you see the movie is according to the Four Agreements. If you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse for you to get mad. YOU get mad because YOU are dealing with FEAR. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will get mad at me....no way you will hate me. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will ever be jealous or sad.
WARNING - this is a tough way to live. In the corporate world, I had a boss who had a "thing" for me. He would try to humiliate me in public and bring me down...even though I was deeply loved and brought in great results. I knew this person's story and there was a lot of pain behind it. As I watched his movie and saw this pain, I saw it as quite comical to how he sought to overcome his pain with power, status and prestige. I never commented or became a critic of his "film" but I was forced to view it due to the corporate structure. In the end, my unwillingness to play the role he wanted in his horror/comedy film drove me to leave my position after many years.
I could have behaved differently - and the company paid people to get me to. There comes a point, however, when you have to realize that the training you get may be good for others but it isn't going to make you a better person. This is very common in executive "development" and may play a hand in the shape of today's corporation.
Answer to WARNING - it may a tough way to live.....but there is no better way to live than to be true to yourself.
You will be true to yourself - when you Don't Take ANYTHING Personally
More parts to follow - your exercise until then? Write down this agreement in as many places as you need to. Do it....right now....yes....NOW. You will forget about this as you go through the day. You need to be acutely aware of the Black Magic that others try to force upon you. I want you to take note of when someone says something and it kind of "hits you" or wants "to stick" on you. Then, analyze it and ask, "hey, is this my stuff or is this his/her stuff?" If it isn't your stuff, either give it back or toss it in that trash can by your desk.
(Remember....to catch any of this series that you might have missed, just click the "labels" icon below where it says "Four Agreements" )
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