It's Official....I've Become a Chick!

So, here I am - fresh out of the shower and having applied step 1 of the 8346 step process that I now take to get my face ready to take on the world.

I know - I can hear you already, "What? Nutster...you are gorgeous. I thought you came right out of the shower that way."

Sorry to shock you - even though the statement that you just made USED to be true. You may have remembered a posting I did a while back talking about the flakiness that I was now starting to experience on my face.

Well, I mentioned this to my doctor during my last physical - "well, have you been taking enough fish oil? Also, slap some Vaseline on your face before you go to bed. Also, here is a prescription."

No...I haven't gone and found a new doctor - I just won't be consulting him on skin issues in the future.

Vaseline on the face as a night treatment? - that just sounded a bit too old school for this guy. Well, right about this time, my Parisian friend, Paris Parfait, started yakking about a new moisturizer that she had found. She went on and on about trying so many in the past and that this one was absolutely the best. Well, being a fairly lazy sot, I decided, "what the heck?"...and off to OriginsI went.

Now, I can be a shopping overachiever - especially when I encounter a good salesperson....or, in this case, three attractive young females who knew a sucker when they saw him coming. Needless to say, I didn't just stop with the moisturizer.

After all, you need an entire SYSTEM for your face -
you can't just slap some moisturizer over a crappy
foundation, right? It would be blasphemous. So, here is how the process goes for all of you guys that want to become chicks (or for you chicks who haven't figured this process out yet......there is probably one of you out there.

Step 1 - you gotta blast all of the crap off of your face that is really down in those pores. Nope, a splash of water in the shower just isn't good enough anymore, guys. You have to have some Modern Friction. Basically, you are grinding rice hulls into your face. The stuff ain't cheap but it's more effective than microderm abrasion ...and better for your skin....and a heck of a lot cheaper. Well, at least that is what the helpful ladies at the counter said.

Step 2 - put down that bar of Ivory soap! You are in the 2000's now, neanderthal. You have to go with a cleanser. The brand of choice, Dr Weils Plantidote Mega Mushroom. You tell me what sense this makes...I am now rubbing mushroom fungus all over my face to clean it. But, that isn't enough. On to....

Step 3 - Plantidote Mega Mushroom SERUM. What? You thought you could just cleanse and moisturize. Heck no. You have to take a really small squirt of serum and spread it over your clean kisser. I say "small squirt" because...well...uh....mushrooms ain't cheap and it must take a lot of them to make that serum. Finally, we now get to....

Step 4 - moisturize....which is what started this whole mess in the first place. You clean with fungus, serum with fungus, and moisturize with fungus. I guess it makes sense. Mushrooms have kind a nice liquid consistency...similar to how you want your face to be. Moist without being wet and greasy.

I have to admit - after being on this trip for about 3 weeks, there is a noticeable difference in my epidermis. The flaking was gone after the first day. After that, my skin just gets softer and softer.....I can't even get any work done....all I want to do is touch my face.

And just when I thought - all of those modeling magazines were going to stop calling me. Now, I am probably going to have to go unlist my number again. "No....Coco....I know...you need me for your next catalog....sorry...I have readers....they expect me to be here....blogging."